Dating a man is like eating meat
It’s like eating dead life and knowing it
And it takes a certain numbness
To be fed by emptiness

This past week I started up Smug Film, a movie review, essay, and interview blog, with my buddies Greg DeLiso and Alex Hiatt. We’re very opinionated when it comes to movies, and we’re good at writing about them. Enjoy our insights and witticisms and whatnot.

Posts go up Monday (me), Wednesday (Greg), and Friday (Alex). Be sure to subscribe to the Smug Film RSS and add us on Facebook and Twitter.

But all that is beside the point. This story is about Duane Reade, and something magical that occurred there.

This morning, I woke with intense itching on my hands. A breakout. I suffer from eczema from time to time, mostly during the winter. It’s annoying. But a little Cortizone 10 nips the itching and swelling in the bud. Today, I was running very low however. I squeezed the last few drops out to take care of my hands—barely. But whatever. I’d pick some more up later.

We took the train into the city, and we got out of the station, there was a Duane Reade right there. Perfecto. We headed in, found the stuff, and came up to the counter.

At the counter, the lady did the whole ‘do you have a rewards card’ thing, and my mom had to get a new card because apparently they’ve changed cards. During that whole process I kinda just went brain dead, staring into space. But then I heard two words that shook me the fuck out of limbo:

‘Oh. Siobhan—’

I immediately look up to see that the counter lady had said that to a fellow worker, a cartoonishly obese black woman. My mom and I look at each other. The fuck are the chances? What the heck is going on right now? I check out the woman’s name tag, expecting to see some sort of ghettoized, phonetic version of the name. Nope. Proper spelling.

The counter lady finishes saying whatever she had to say to Siobhan, and Siobhan leaves. My mom and I walk out of the store, quiet, in a trance. Outside, we let loose: DUDE WHAT THE FUCK, OH MY GOD WHAT WAS THAT, HOLY SHIT THE UNIVERSE, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES, etc.

Let me explain to you what just happened: I have been trying to get a movie of mine made for over two years. It is called Siobhan. I’ve gone through hell and back, been chewed up by Hollywood and spit the fuck out, all sorts of crazy shit.

This was a sign from the Universe that 2013 will be the year of Siobhan. Which I felt even before this year even started, and now feel 200% more. My batteries are so fucking charged by hearing that name so unexpectedly. I am ready to destroy the world with my big fat cock that is this movie.

And even more amazing—all through the Hollywood gauntlet I kept hearing the same shit: ‘Can you change the title? Nobody is going to know what that name is. Can’t she have a different name? Can you at least change the spelling so people know how to say it? ‘Siobhan’ can’t be the name of a movie.’ Etcetera, etcetera, *barf* etcetera.
Well guess what? IF A FUCKING FAT GHETTO BLACK CHICK’S MOM NAMED HER DAUGHTER SIOBHAN AND DIDN’T CHANGE THE GOD DAMN FUCKING SPELLING TO BE PHONETIC, THEN I’M NOT CHANGING IT FOR MY IRISH BOURGEOIS WHITE GIRL PROTAGONIST YOU FUCKS.

Anyway. That’s my awesome birthday story. My birthday present from the Universe. Thank you, thank you, thank you Universe. I love you and I live to serve you.

I’ve just completed my new feature-length film! It’s called Rehearsals, and it’s an experimental documentary that I made by shooting fly-on-the-wall footage of sixteen different women, and then collaging it together so that they are all one woman—an aspiring actress living alone in New York City. The film chronicles a day in her life, and is essentially a visual poem; an ode to both the beauty and the pain of solitude.

To learn more about the film, and check out a trailer and teaser and stuff, visit the Rehearsals page.

A dog alone
inside a factory
in the middle of the night

sniffing all sorts of boxes
and urinating on machines
and barking

Siobhan is romantic comedy-drama in a similar vein to Woody Allen’s classic New York films. It tells the story of a reclusive Deaf woman in her mid-20‘s (named Siobhan) who lives alone in Park Slope, Brooklyn, and hermits herself from the world, from happiness, and from love. She will be played by renowned Deaf theatre actress Tami Lee Santimyer.

Over the course of the film, Siobhan goes through ups and downs, both comedic and tragic, as her outgoing and troublesome 18-year-old sister Sophie, who is hearing-impaired, tries to bring her out of her shell. Sophie will be played by newcomer Briana Birks, who, like her character, is hearing-impaired.

This film will be completely silent. No music, no ambient sound, nothing. All sign language and spoken dialogue will be subtitled. Deaf and Hearing filmgoers alike will enjoy the same viewing experience.

There has never been a film quite like this. Almost all films with Deaf characters feature sound, even ones with Deaf protagonists. So we are only ever encountering them from the perspective of a Hearing observer. Sound disables Hearing audiences from truly experiencing a Deaf character’s perspective. Only through silence can Hearing audiences be immersed in their world.

Another benefit of silence is that it provides Deaf actors the exceptionally rare opportunity of playing Hearing characters. In fact, almost all of the Hearing characters in the film will be played by Deaf talent. To say this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for them is an understatement: this is a once-in-film-history opportunity.

This film, this unique experience, can only be made possible through your kind donation. For over a year and a half, I’ve been trying to find funding for this film through traditional methods, and though response to the script has been great, it has been very difficult to find investors willing to take a chance on a fully silent film. This is a shame, because for Deaf audiences, all films are ‘silent’, yet that doesn’t stop them from enjoying films. If a story is well-told, and the visuals are compelling, that’s what matters most. Film began as, and always will be most of all, a visual medium. Siobhan is a love letter to the power of film in its purest form.

Please take a look at the campaign page, and help make this film possible! And if you cannot afford to donate, you can help by just circulating the link to people you think might dig it. That helps, too.

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy the finished film!

Rehearsals – Teaser Trailer from Cody Clarke on Vimeo.

It’ll probably done by the end of July, or mid-August. At the very latest, the end of August. Don’t worry about it. It’ll happen when it happens. And trust me, it’s well worth the wait. It’s a good movie. I like it a lot. I mean, it’s not done yet, but it’s good so far. I doubt I’ll fuck it up. Don’t worry. Stop worrying. If you like the poster, you’ll like the movie.

For updates and stills and stuff, ‘like’ the Rehearsals page on Facebook. I’m not gonna post stills here or anything. I’m only gonna post them on there. So ‘like’ the dang page.

Anyway, on this such instance of this happening, I realized that its been over two years since I made the show, or even watched an episode. So I decided to check one out.

Some of the jokes do hold up, but there are so many things I wish I had been able to do differently. That probably sounds like a strange thing to say, given that this is a project where I had 100% creative control, but let me explain:

My goal when I started it was to make it look like a cheap Public Access show, kinda like Check it Out. (Although at the time, that show wasn’t on TV yet.) Unfortunately, all I had to edit with was iMovie, so everything just ended up looking like, well, iMovie.

That’s the big problem with that application.. It’s very difficult to create anything unique, or at all like your vision, what your vision may be. It was a little easier in previous versions (6 or earlier) but ultimately, it’s easiest on Final Cut Pro. (And when I say Final Cut Pro, I mean FCP 7. I like to pretend FCP X doesn’t exist.)

I’ve done my best work yet on Final Cut Pro. And yes, that’s largely due to the fact that I’ve just plain gotten better at making stuff, but a huge factor really is that the program is so great, and allows me to do pretty much anything I’d like to do.

Final Cut Pro is like my Ibanez PGM 301 electric guitar. Similar price tag, even. When I’m playing that guitar, I know the only thing preventing me from making good music is me. There are no dead spots, the intonation is perfect, all 24 frets are very accessible, and the pickups are delicious. I sink or swim because of me—not because the water is rigged.

iMovie is like one of those Fender ‘Strat Pack’ guitars that don’t stay in tune longer than a verse, and come with a tiny solid state amp and some thin, useless picks. It satisfies your immediate need for something to hold onto and pluck and strum, but eventually, you must plop down for a serious instrument.

So, my advice to anyone who wants to be a filmmaker: have free fun for a while, dicking around and learning your craft, but put away some money for Final Cut Pro. Because one day, you’ll start having ideas that have legs, and you don’t want to waste an idea with legs on iMovie. That’s what I did with DVD Talk. The show could’ve been great. Instead, it was  hit-or-miss.

But it was a hell of a lot of fun, though. The most fun I’ve ever had shooting something for YouTube. Often the guest and I would be in tears laughing. I’m grateful for the experience and the memories.